Fear based living to heart based life
Blog,  Spirituality

Journey from Fear based Living to A Love Based Life

Have you ever wondered why some people operate from the place of love while many from fear?

Is it a default setting that one is born with? Or is it something we nurture throughout life?

Some are “born” with good mental dispositions or given a better external environment to thrive and become loving and sharing. While others are made to tend for themselves a life with an imbalanced attitude towards life.

The Origin of Fear

Nobody knows from where emotions arise. Well at least on a conceptual knowledge level. But from experience, we know the feeling of fear is that of contraction in the heart area, palpitations, and a tendency to run away from whatever the experience is.

Fear by definition tricks us into believing that something is seriously wrong and we are in danger. The mind starts looking for ways to be safe. It brings our attention to be hyper-vigilant to a particular form that we consider as danger. In truth, however, 90-95% of the time, there is no real danger.

In the world that we live in, there are hardly any real catastrophes like tigers chasing us or being swept away by storms. War-like situations are also rare in most countries. Yes, natural calamities do exist but if you look at the statistics, it is still a rare event for any human being to experience.

Yet we are always in a state of panic and fear. In our mind, a war is raging. It seems like we are afraid of something or the other, even when the situation, itself, is not lethal to our existence.


It’s because we have evolved to be in this state- to stay safe and out of danger. Our mind has learned to keep the body protected at all costs. Yes, it was important to humankind when we were still grounding ourselves and learning the ways of this world, to stay alive on the planet, stabilizing our roots and branches (so to speak). But do we need those same fears today in our lives and society in such magnitude?


Today, life can be lived from the place of Love- a heart-based way of living. At least for most of us. If our survival is taken care of to most degrees- for example, you have healthy food to eat, a room to live in, and a stable financial source, then you most certainly don’t need the ego-mind to rule your life. This is not to say that ego is bad. Not at all.

On the contrary, it was the most awesome invention of nature to help human beings be the most superior species of the whole animal kingdom. But the ego-mind has run its due course. And now, it is just an outdated software version most human beings are living on.

Imagine a robot with say a software S1 was pretty cool in 2005. It is used to calculate heavy-duty math problems in a matter of minutes. What a cool invention it was! Today however the software has been upgraded to S28. Now, it not only solves math problems in seconds, but it also tells you about your mood just from predicting your past moods. It offers solutions to your daily life problems based on your lifestyle and habits. How cool is that today?

The point here is ego was like that S1 software. It did pretty cool things but it has outdated itself on most levels for most people on our planet today. It needs to be upgraded, aka transcended. However, it is not easy to do so. It’s simple. But difficult in terms of the mind’s understanding.

For someone who has spent all his life fearing and creating a habit of being scared of everything, it ‘seems’ almost impossible to shift to love by just noticing that fear cannot hurt him.

Now let me emphasize the word- seems. For the mind, it feels very difficult. But not for the real Self. It is always the Self, to begin with. It does not need to realize anything. But to bring the mind to the state of Love and Stillness, the abode of the Real Self is the noblest work one can carry.

The main shift of course needs to happen internally. Not externally. You don’t need to renounce anything externally to show your devotion. Real devotion happens internally. That’s why it’s hard to understand the intention from where one behaves. Is it a response from the place of clear seeing and Love? Or is it a mental or emotional reaction from the place of ego?

The Discernment- Love Or Ego?

Before you can take up any sadhana, you must be aware of your reactions and responses at this moment. Without blaming the external world or yourself, you must be willing enough to see honestly what is your truth.

Ask these questions honestly-

Am I responding right now from the place of Love and Peace to the situation at hand?

Is there enough goodwill towards the other people or situation in this moment?

Am I emotionally equanimous right now?

Is my mind calm and composed without any judgment and(or) expectations?

The caveat here is that you need to be honest with the answers. You don’t have to share your deepest darkest answers with anyone. It’s okay if you don’t like what your truth is. It may show you the kinds of stuff that shock you out of your wits. But that’s okay. It is normal to be this way.

To change, you need to become aware first. And honestly see yourself where you are at. I cannot mention this enough- honesty with yourself is the most important. Once that is done, we will find ourselves easily uplifted towards the place of Love. Slowly but gradually we will reach that state.

Most people are in constant denial of their state mentally, emotionally and some even physically. This state of denial requires a huge amount of energy to keep the false state coexisting with the truth (though the false sense is just an illusion). There is a huge conflict.

Fear can obstruct you from being your best self

Role of Fear

All emotions (especially the negative ones) can serve you if you know how to. It can help you grow. It can help you expand your level of awareness. Slowly but gradually your heart can bloom. Just by working with the emotions.

Among the most negative ones, fear is consistent in our lives. In my experience, every negative emotion tends to transmute itself to fear before being released finally. Fear, for me at least, is the root of all problems even ones with shame, apathy, depression, and powerlessness. And, separation from the Self is the biggest illusion that causes this fear.


Negative Emotion? What’s that!!

Note that ‘negative’ emotion does not really mean it is bad, it only means low in frequency and low in energy. Love on the other hand is just higher frequency. None is good or bad. But body and mind feel great when we operate on highly energetic frequencies of love, peace and joy. That’s why the mind tends to classify love as good and anger, fear etc as bad. But in absolute truth, none is superior to the other. One gives pleasure to the body-mind complex while the other causes pain.

Coming to the point, fear can act as the fuel to transform our lives and move up the energetic frequency level if we allow it instead of causing it to generate more pain. Unless of course you intentionally want pain in your life. Which is also totally okay for a choice. But if you want to eliminate the suffering and pain that may be constant and intolerable for you right now (otherwise you wouldn’t be reading this article), then fear can be your new best friend from now on.



Simple. By Feeling it.


It can’t be this simple right?

Well, Yes and No both.


Simple Is it?

It is a simple process but it can be made as excruciatingly difficult as we want it too.

Qs- How can I feel and transform? It feels almost woo-doo. Magic. And I don’t believe in magic.

A- You don’t have to believe in anything. This is not any woo-doo thing I am pointing you to. It is a very basic law of life that I am making you aware of. It is You I am pointing you to. Of course, you know it on some unconscious level yourself. But you are just reminded of what is the law of energetic transmutation.

When we feel fear, we are transmuting the energy and converting it into the energy of a higher frequency- that of the frequency of awareness. Awareness is of the highest frequency. so, the low energy is dissolved and we transcend the fear.

Well, it’s really that simple.

Grace is on Us when we want to change

When we are afraid, we become the fear itself. There is no space between me and the emotion of fear. All we have to do is separate that sense of me from the feeling of fear. By bringing your awareness to the feeling itself.

Of course, it needs intention and a whole lot of willpower initially. And we need little awareness beforehand to realize our fearful state of living. But if we are aware enough to understand that fear is not what we want in our lives. And if we have a deep desire to transcend it, it will work. There is no doubt about it.

You don’t need so much information anyway. No need to understand it conceptually at all.


Can we Change?

Of course, we can. It took me 27 years to realize this. But yes, we can change. And change from the lowest of lows to the highest of highs.

Whoever says you have a ceiling limit is functioning themselves from the limited ego. Don’t listen to such people who want to keep you limited. Even if it is your family and friends. No offence to them. But they are just functioning from an unconscious level. But here, you are ready to transform your life.

This brings me to the next point- A growth mindset.


Growth vs Fixed Mindset

The people who believe we have a ceiling have a fixed mindset. Again nothing wrong with that. Everyone is on their journey in life and evolving at their own pace. Their consciousness has not yet bloomed to the level where they can understand how life works.

For animals, plants and humans (most of them) to work in a set fashion, nature has programmed everyone to function according to a certain way. Our bodies evolved accordingly. Animals can function only in specific ways due to this reason. Tigers kill to feed themselves. Dolphins swim. Cows eat grass. Every animal is given a limitation and a programming which they cannot overcome.

Humans can transcend the fixed mindset and change their mental program however they want. Only humans can become aware of their programming and see what is beyond those conditions. They can have a growth mindset. But unfortunately, most humans are not aware of this precious gift let alone practising it. And they live a life relative to the standard of an animal without knowing their true potential. Their highest potential is that of the limitless sky. But they waste it even when life pushes them to see the possibilities.


The Technique

Just the process- feel the feeling (fear/shame/apathy/guilt etc) without any judgement or blame or stories.

It’s okay if initially, judgement arises, stories come up, and blaming happens. Only hold the intention to not blame or judge. Slowly, you will find it is easier to just feel without any mental interjections.

The feeling of fear. dread, guilt, shame or any emotion under the roof that is stuck inside your body cannot live here for too long in your space, in your aware presence. And that is not a hypothetical statement. It is a fact- a truth- a law that many people don’t understand. They don’t want to see their fear because there is vulnerability to it. There is an unknownness to it.

What if the whole world collapses by seeing the truth (the fear) for what it is?

Well, it never did for me. And there are countless others whose worlds stayed intact. On the contrary, it improved on different levels. All I can say for you is- just try and see. You may just start dipping your toe- a small area of fear that you want to let go of, not the big ones that seem impossible to face (yet). You can experiment at your own pace and intensity.

It just needs a little pinch of courage and willpower to witness the emotions that are causing a lifetime of pain. And then a vast space of freedom and joy opens up. You have to experience the beauty yourself to understand what I’m talking about here.

Are you willing to see what lies behind that fear?

I can only guarantee it is very rewarding. Find the beauty of it all for yourself.


If you are yearning for authentic connection with people, you can check out this article-

The Search for Authentic Connection With People






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